I thought about whether or not I wanted to write something about this movie. In the end I just gave in because, well, who cares, right? It's Micheal Bay's next and hopefully last installment to Transformers. A lot of this stuff is to be expected, and at times it comes out as my own personal rant. Be warmed, there are spoilers, so if you planned on watching Transformers 3 don't read this. If you don't care then read on!
Okay, what can be said that hasn't already been said about Michael Bay's consecutive summer blockbuster, action and explosions ridden, robots from outer space franchise Transformers?
Absolutely nothing. Why? Because even if we bitch and complain at how agonizingly bad their story, pacing and continuity is, we continue to flock to them so we can be awed by the big screen treatment. Now I'm not saying that Transformers should not have been brought to the big screen. I think it should have been given a more competent direction and handling. I know that Transformers has always been about big robots, Autobots and Decepticons, battling each other for superiority, but the inconsistent plot, explosions and visual effects extravaganza that has been fed into our retinas and mental consciousness seems to replace all evidence or clue that there was even a story to begin with.
Now I know some of you will say that, "Well, that's Micheal Bay for you." Yeah, I know, I've said it too. But, you know what? Shame on you for expecting any less, especially those of you who have, like me, been long time fans of the original cartoon series. I would expect nothing less from Bay with other films like Pearl Harbor or Bad Boys, but this is friggin' Transformers!! I'm not taking anything away from Pearl Harbor because at least that was visually and historically accurate for the most part; I mean, it had to be. Still, this is no excuse for Bay or the writers to take the entire series' history and dump it in the trash. This might be harsh, but it's the truth when you see these films.
So here begins my grip with Transformers 3. Oh, and this will be a first! SPOILERS ahead. I'll try to keep them at a minimum but who knows.
So how come nothing that happened in the previous films seems to mean or have any real significance in this third installment? I mean, Sam (Labeouf) subsequently saved the Autobots and humanity on two separate occasions from either new or returning villains. In each, he put not only his own life in danger but those of the people/robots around him. So, why is he not more recognized or given a higher position of status in life/society/government? I'm mentioning all of these categories because Sam has affected or been affected by these in some way, shape or form. I mean, for Christ's sake, he died in Transformers 2 and went to that hilarious and inconceivable realm know as robot heaven! He came back, brought the Matrix of Leadership with him and resurrected Optimus Prime, IN FRONT of everyone that meant anything on those films! So, why he is treated like dirt at the beginning of this film?
Why isn't he recognized by anyone as the one who saved the earth on two separate occasions? Yeah, I know, you can argue that the Autobots took credit for everything to protect him, sure. But, why in the hell would the government and military just let him wander on his own AGAIN when he's the principle reason that crap happens? Everytime the Decepticons went after him to start some kind of ruckus. Wouldn't the government have figured it out that maybe they should have put this kid under some kind of protection? Or in a sound proof box to avoid hearing his hyper high-pitched screaming voice. Although it wouldn't have matter because the writers would have found some way to get him in danger again.
I'm going to start pointing to things at random here now, so bare with me, ha!
The pacing of Transformers 3 was so unmerciful. The movie lasted about 2 1/2 hours but actually felt like 4 hours. This was due to the fact that so many pointless scenes that were intended to develop character accomplished none of that. Take for instance, Ken Jeong and John Malkovich's cameo appearances. These two characters were meant to develop Sam's awareness that something was brewing, but their delivery was so awkward that it felt unneeded and out-of-place. Seriously here, Ken Jeong's performance only served to showing viewers how he drop his pants to give Sam a bunch of folded papers he kept in his underpants. To his credit, Ken did deliver his performance with that hokey, erratic behavior that we saw from his performance in The Hangover, but here it served no other purpose. He was there to literally give Labeouf papers that he had tucked in his underwear. And, John Malkovich only served to play Sam's ego power driven boss. Malkovich had maybe about ten minutes of screen time and that was it!
Rose Huntington-Whiteley. All I'm going to say is that Megan Fox gave us a better performance as Sam's love interest and our eye candy. Man, never have I seen someone look so lost and more out-of-place then she did! There was something about her face that didn't sit right with me, and it irritated me to no end how she could get away with most of her scenes based solely on her looks. Where was the acting? Oh wait, there was no acting because, and correct me if I'm wrong, she can't act! She's a model, and based on what I read, Michael Bay only placed her there because she could walk in high heels and look good doing it.
Half the time the pacing of this movie just dragged and dragged. A friend of mine went as far as saying that the human scenes were so boring and dried up rehashed versions of interactions from the previous movies that Transformers 3 could have been better and shorter without them. To some degree, I agree because those interactions and dialogue just kept going and going that during several occasions I forgot what I was watching. If that weren't enough, the level of contradiction and inconsistency was aggravating. I couldn't get a sense of where they were going and felt lost. How can stopping Sentinel Prime become such a convoluted plan and at the same time so grossly planned out that it still works but with no rational or logical foresight. It's like everyone said screw planning let's just go head first into certain doom. And, from a militaristic point-of-view, how can a troop of soldiers be so gung-ho about invading a crumpled and Decepticon refortified city of Chicago only to back down when you're right at their doorstep? If you're part of a military, group don't you strategically and tactically plan out an attack or determine if a plan is conceivable? Why would you travel all the way to the enemies front door and then back out?!
Oh, but when the Autobots reappear from their non-deaths, you all-of-sudden grow balls and go in! Jeez!
And while we're on Sentinel Prime, as far as I have been made aware, a Prime doesn't switch sides so easily without a probable reason. Yet, he still betrays the Autobots who brought him back to life, kills Ratchet and whole bunch of other Autobots and soldiers to honor some pack he made with the Decepticons. To make this plot even more illogical is the fact that Sentinel Prime does it even after knowing that Cybertron is a waste land and that the war to save their race is over! Oh, and here's the real kicker. Fifty years ago, humanity made a deal with the Decepticons to allow them to take over earth.
Yes, earth's governments, specifically the United States government thought is was a good idea to join forces with a race of evil robots. I mean, WTF!! Hasn't humanity learned from every past movie alien invasion in history? Why would you trust an alien race for anything? As humans, we can't even trust ourselves, ha! So how can we trust an alien race that's stronger then us? Oh, because they gave you some of their alien technology to build nuclear reactors and thus the A-bomb. I love how the movie weaved Transformer influence into our world history and used it as the primary reason why bad things happened. I give it to the writers there because I enjoy "what if" scenarios. However, this whole idea and subsequent back-story, from the writers, that the U.S. government made a pact with an alien race in return for some advanced technology seems so contrived and pretentious that it feels a bit like a slap in the face. Was this your big "secret" movie?
Man, I felt like all my prior alien invasion movie watching experiences got shot in the face after this. I mean, they didn't see past the possibility that these robot beings could betray our feeble trust. According to Transformers 3, world governments put their entire faith and technological progression in the hands of big robots that could and eventually do blow us, or at least the city of Chicago, to rubble. It just occurred to me that the movie's writers could have gone has far as to say that the Transformers were involved in the Kennedy assassination! OMG! You know what, they could have been! It would explain that ridiculous "magic bullet" theory, ha!
The only thing that seemed to save this movie were the robot battle sequences but then they too were blown out of proportion and dragged out. Every robot action sequence was subjected to the visual effect of Matrix-style slow motion acrobatics. Visually they were beautiful to look at but run-time wise they took to long. My friend and I both agreed that it seemed to take a page out of the Dragonball Z book of action pacing. For those of you that know Dragonball Z, you know what I'm talking about! It's the equivalent of three episodes of screaming before Goku throws a single punch or special attack. And how does the appearance of Cybertron right between the Earth and the Moon not affect Earth in any way, shape or form?
It must be said that I still enjoyed the action sequences even if they were mostly implausible and over-the-top. It's what we crave as an audience living in an age where we expect 100% sensationalism when it comes to movies about big robots. Yeah, it not only just expected from the news media, but from anything that Micheal Bay directs as well! Yup, I love mass destruction on an epic scale just as much as the next guy, but is it too hard to ask for continuity and a logical plot?
Wait! I know I said this will hopefully be Bay's last Transformers movie, but with other baddies still lose out there in the world and other possible threats, wouldn't there be a possibility for a 4th? I mean, the city of Chicago was left in ruins, so couldn't that mean... dare I say it - Autobot city aka Metroplex! Oh man! No, let me stop there before I raise my hopes up for something I might regret like Devastator.
There are so many other things I could point out, but then this post will be forever long and I'm too tired to go on, ha! Again, Transformer 3 was visually stunning as always but flawed by plot and pacing problems. I mean, well, what do we expect from the king of explosions? Did I expect anything less, of course not. Did I want something more, but of course! But, if Michael Bay put more that would mean less screen time for helicopters flying at dawn, guy chasing after a superficial love interest, and, oh yes, explosions!!! Long live BAYSPLOSIONS!!!
